What are you more excited about: Jesus, or your future husband?

I've recently been reading, and loving, some of the anecdotes and words of wisdom posted by Kelly Needham. I don't know her personally, but stumbled on to her blog from her husband's website. Her husband, Jimmy Needham, is a Christian music artist (who you can check out here). Both Jimmy and Kelly seem to be solid Christian people who are speaking up (or singing) about their faith in Jesus, and how it has impacted their life. :)

Kelly, once single like the lot of us, writes about waiting on God for her future husband, in the post titled "My First Love":

"What are you more excited about: Jesus or your future husband? God was never designed to simply be the means for us to receive things... We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth."

She makes a few really great points:
- that we tend to see God only as the vehicle that brings us what we need and want
- that we put relationships ahead of God, especially that special relationship that we all long for
We need to love Jesus first and foremost, or we're just going to put our future husband on a pedestal. We will put that man in the place where Jesus should be, and this is dangerous.
Read the post yourself for more thoughts on this!

What are your thoughts? Do you see this tendency in your own life- to view God merely as the vehicle that brings you what you need? Or are you truly excited about getting to know God, and experiencing his love for you?

What is the purpose for waiting? (Part 2)

At times I’ve been incredibly frustrated with waiting.  If I want something, I don’t want to have to wait for it.  When I’m hungry, I want to eat right away.  When I’m lonely, I want to surround myself with friends, immediately.  And when I’m broke and jobless, I want a job and an income.  Arg… I don’t like this impatient part of me.

For about 5 months now, I’ve been applying for jobs, and was hoping that I would have a solid job offer as I graduated from university.  I’ve had a handful of interviews, but as I finished off my degree I hadn’t had a single offer.  I was praying, but starting to doubt that God would provide.

In the midst of that I was able to say “God is so good”.  I know that I have been waiting and experiencing that frustration for a reason.  I believe that God wanted me to wait for several reasons:

(1)   So that I would rely on Him. 

At times in my job search, I was expecting to get hired because of my skills, my talents, my awesomeness. Those things are factors in getting a job, but not everything.  Ultimately, what God wants goes.  If God wants me to take a particular job, then the job offer will be there.  In the same way, if he doesn’t want me to have a job, then he is able to take away the opportunity (or not present it in the first place).

At times of disappointment I was reminded that the opportunity would come if it was in God’s plan for me.  And I was reminded of my past, in times that I’ve had to wait for him.  When he finally provided, it was so perfectly suited to me and the timing was perfect. 

(2)   So that I would realize my love of money. 

While waiting and searching for jobs, I struggled with how I would pay my bills.  I worried.   I got anxious.  I considered taking any crummy part-time job.  I considered moving back in with my mom… until God miraculously provided in this area, enough to pay my bills for another 2 months.

(3)   So that I would be made aware of my need for security.

I am almost ashamed of what I felt at times.  I felt so lost and empty and purposeless, as I didn’t have anything to look forward to, or anything to work for, during this time.  There were days when I just felt I had nothing to cling to.  My future was so uncertain, unclear, insecure.  In the end I am so blown away by God.  When everything seemed out of control, he filled the voids in my heart, and gave me such a clear sense of stability and peace.

(4)   So that he would be glorified.

He provided an awesome job.  It’s a technical writing position, full-time, located in Montreal, with a great company.  I’m super excited about the projects that they are currently working on: smart cameras, video editing software and hardware and more.  Technical writing will give me a lot of experience.  I’ll be exposed to all of the engineering divisions within the company, and will lead to future opportunities.  Plus the timing is perfect. I’ve been out of school and unemployed for just over a month, and it was just the amount of time I needed to rest and refocus.

I could go on about the great things about this job opportunity… God is just so good.

Only God knew what I needed.  He knew my money-loving heart needed a good shock back to hoping in Jesus, and not in my money.  He knew that my self-worth was in my security and my status as an engineering student.  He knew that the only way I would rely on him was to wait for 5 months before being offered anything.

He also knows what I enjoy; I am so excited to work alongside engineers who do exactly what I see myself doing in a few years. 

He knows where I can be a light for him, and so I am confident that this job is where I am meant to be for the time being. 

Real stability

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

-chorus from the hymn "Solid Rock" written by Edward Mote (1797-1874)

As we sang this chorus in church today, my mind wandered.  I began to think about the things that I've looked to for stability: my education and the hope of a great career, my parents, my money, my relationships. 
I've been reminded recently that nothing in this life is really, truly stable.  It's all sinking sand. Money, relationships, status, possessions... all of these things, even the ones we think will last forever, could be taken from us at any time. 

I don't think it's wrong to want stability.  But, it is wrong to seek security in these material and temporary things instead of in the living God.  Not only is it wrong, it can be devastating for us if we gain a false sense of security apart from God and then suddenly lose what we thought was secure.

God is the only one who lives beyond (before and after) all of us and all that we see on the earth.  He is the only one who remains when everything in our lives falls apart.  And things will fall apart.  Our world is like that. 

Many times I've felt as if everything in my life was going wrong.  In some of those situations, I thought that money would solve my problems.  If I just had enough money then I wouldn't have to worry about paying my rent next month.  My finances would be stable and that would make me feel secure.  Other times, I thought that a guy in my life was what I needed.  If I were married then I wouldn't feel alone or feel like I have no one to depend on.  If I had a husband, even if the world around me were falling apart, I would have something constant to hold on to.

The only thing that really kept me going was the assurance that God was there.  He was there through all of the trials I've faced.  I was reminded that he cared, and I cried out to him for help.  And he answered.  There were moments, amidst chaos, that I was left with an inexplicable feeling of peace.  And every single time he brought me through the struggle with my heart intact.

Just a reminder to all you single people out there.  Don't hope for a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that will fill that craving for security and stability.   A spouse may provide a mirage of security, but a spouse doesn't last forever.  People pass away from this world unexpectedly, and more commonly, and ultimately, people disappoint. 

We will be better prepared for marriage if we set our minds on Christ first and foremost, asking him to satisfy us and be our stability, rather than hoping that our spouse will provide that sense of security. Jesus truly is the solid rock on which we can stand.

Singleness can make us more like Jesus

I've heard my married friends say that marriage is tough.  It reveals to you your selfishness, your pride, your sin.  I don't know exactly what marriage is like, but I can imagine that it would be hard to lay down personal desires to love and serve your spouse.

They've also said that being married is the best way to become more like Jesus.  It forces you to confront your sin.  You can't just ignore the fact that you're impatient, or that you struggle with lust, or that you have anger management issues.  These things will negatively affect your spouse and your marriage if you continue to ignore them.

While I can see the point, I don't agree that marriage is the best way to be sanctified (read: become more like Jesus).  And here's why:

1. Singleness forces us to trust God with the future.  We can't rely on another person to help us make life decisions. 
   
2. Singleness gives us more time to spend with God.  When a woman has a husband and kids, her energy is almost entirely focused on caring for her family.  With more time to spend in God's word and in prayer, we should expect to see God change our hearts through that.
   
3. Singleness may mean we're lonely at times; loneliness reveals to us our need for God.  If we feel that there's no one who fulfills our needs for love and acceptance, we can look to God.  He is the one who unconditionally, eternally loves those who trust in Christ.
   There have been moments where I've felt incredibly lonely.  In those moments, I thought that what I needed was a boyfriend.  I believe that that's one nasty lie that all women have been fed.  The truth is that we don't need men to fulfill us.  We need our God.  And yeah, I needed my God.  On many occasions, I've seen God come through.   When I come to him with a broken heart, he fills me with a renewed sense of his awesome love.  The bible says that he comforts the downcast (2 Cor 7:6).  I know that through those lonely periods of life we come to know God more intimately.
   
4. Singleness can reveal our struggles with sin: seeking attention from members of the opposite sex, fantasizing, lust, etc.  My prayer is that all single people would have find community, and within community would have a safe place to confess their sins and receive accountability from members of the same sex.
   
5. Singleness teaches us about sacrifice. While we're single we will have to deny our desires for sex, intimacy and physical affection.  Jesus prepared us for this; he said that following him would surely involve sacrifice (Matthew 16:24-25).  When we deny ourselves and persevere through hardship, our faith grows.
   (Side note: We are not giving up love! God freely offers his love.  Also, he has given us other people through whom we can experience love.)

I believe that singleness, just like marriage, can bring us closer to God.  In fact, God can use any phase of life to transform us into a person who reflects more of his glory and his beauty. 

I think the key is offering ourselves to him.  Don't waste your singleness complaining about being single.  Instead, offer the time and energy you have to him so he can use it for his glory.

What do you think?  Is being married the best way to be conformed to the image of Christ?