They've also said that being married is the best way to become more like Jesus. It forces you to confront your sin. You can't just ignore the fact that you're impatient, or that you struggle with lust, or that you have anger management issues. These things will negatively affect your spouse and your marriage if you continue to ignore them.
While I can see the point, I don't agree that marriage is the best way to be sanctified (read: become more like Jesus). And here's why:
- Singleness forces us to trust God with the future. We can't rely on another person to help us make life decisions.
- Singleness gives us more time to spend with God. When a woman has a husband and kids, her energy is almost entirely focused on caring for her family. With more time to spend in God's word and in prayer, we should expect to see God change our hearts through that.
- Singleness may mean we're lonely at times; loneliness reveals to us our need for God. If we feel that there's no one who fulfills our needs for love and acceptance, we can look to God. He is the one who unconditionally, eternally loves those who trust in Christ.
There have been moments where I've felt incredibly lonely. In those moments, I thought that what I needed was a boyfriend. I believe that that's one nasty lie that all women have been fed. The truth is that we don't need men to fulfill us. We need our God. And yeah, I needed my God. On many occasions, I've seen God come through. When I come to him with a broken heart, he fills me with a renewed sense of his awesome love. The bible says that he comforts the downcast (2 Cor 7:6). I know that through those lonely periods of life we come to know God more intimately.
- Singleness can reveal our struggles with sin: seeking attention from members of the opposite sex, fantasizing, lust, etc. My prayer is that all single people would have find community, and within community would have a safe place to confess their sins and receive accountability from members of the same sex.
- Singleness teaches us about sacrifice. While we're single we will have to deny our desires for sex, intimacy and physical affection. Jesus prepared us for this; he said that following him would surely involve sacrifice (Matthew 16:24-25). When we deny ourselves and persevere through hardship, our faith grows.
(Side note: We are not giving up love! God freely offers his love. Also, he has given us other people through whom we can experience love.)
I believe that singleness, just like marriage, can bring us closer to God. In fact, God can use any phase of life to transform us into a person who reflects more of his glory and his beauty.
I think the key is offering ourselves to him. Don't waste your singleness complaining about being single. Instead, offer the time and energy you have to him so he can use it for his glory.
What do you think? Is being married the best way to be conformed to the image of Christ?
I agree with what your married friends said about being forced to face your sin, etc.. but just because that's true, doesn't mean it is the BEST way you get closer to Jesus.
ReplyDeleteThe things that singlesness shows us: need for God, sacrifice, revealing our sins are things that marriage teaches us too. They are lessons all of us need to learn repeatedly and at different stages in life the lessons are just different lessons. What we learn as singles is not better, nor is what we learn as marrieds.
For example, I knew about God sending his son to die for me but as a parent I understand it in a new way. I can better relate to what that would have been like for God to have Jesus die. I love seb so much and can't imagine how hard it would be to make that kind of choice. Another example, I can better relate to Mary's feelings/experience being pregnant now that I have gone through pregnancy.
We can experience God at any stage in life. I have found that my root sin issues are the same but they are revealed in different ways now that I'm married and there is more incentive to change certain things in my life because my family is negatively affective and my spouse is also there helping me do it.
I'm not sure I agree with point 2. Although theoretically, singles have more "free time," it comes down to priorities, at all stages of life, it is a choice to put God first. God should come before everything including our families. Although families can be a distraction, so can a lot of other things.
In some ways, at this stage with a young baby, I have more time. I am sitting for hours every day feeding him. All is quiet and I am awake. When I was single, I was out being "productive", working lots, spending time with others, etc... Now I have all this time in the quiet of night feeding Seb.
To summarize and answer your question, no, not unless God has called you to be married. The best way to be conformed to the image of Chris is in whichever situation God has placed you in, single or married.
Those are a few of my thoughts, hope they are somewhat coherent, its almost 5am, I've been up since 1:20am with Sebby (LOTS of time to think, pray, etc... while sitting here in the dark).
Tara