Awkward date #2: Falling in love... or falling asleep?

This post is part of a series documenting some seriously awkward dates that I've been on.

Please note that I am not writing this series to mock the guys whom I have dated. These stories are bound to be funny, but I hope you’ll look with me at how God worked through these situations to grow me and teach me about relationships. My prayer is that these nuggets of wisdom wouldn’t go to waste. :)

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He was a really sweet guy: funny, super intelligent, respectful and kind. His family, who are awesome, generous, Christian people, lived down the street. I had played with this guy and his two older siblings as a kid. We didn't stay friends as we grew older, as we attended different schools.

Several years ago, we ran into each other in a restaurant, and he asked me out. We went for coffee and had a great time catching up. I remember laughing a lot. I was excited to hear that he'd kept his faith in Jesus. I think he was probably shocked that I was also a Christian, since I didn't grow up in a Christian home.

I really enjoyed our coffee together. A week later we went to a movie. I think it was Shrek 2, or Shrek 3. You see, I can't really remember because I fell asleep and missed the last half of the movie! I think he tried to nudge me awake a few times, but gave up. He teased me about it afterwards, which made me super embarrassed.

To give a bit of context:
I don't know why, but when I'm sitting still and I'm comfortable, I have a tendency to fall asleep. And really quickly too. I've fallen asleep in work meetings, during quiet conversations, in university classes, during extremely loud concerts (and quiet classical concerts, too), on buses, on trains, on a plane during taking off (I also slept through the landing of that one).

(In case you're worried about me, I've never fallen asleep standing up, or in a situation that would prove dangerous if that happened. And I sleep very well at night.)
Ok, enough about my random sleep issues...

So picture me, falling asleep on a date, in a movie theatre. It was awkward.

We didn't end up dating seriously because of other factors... at least I don't think that was the reason. :P Since then we've remained friends.

What I learned from this awkward date:
1/I need to learn to laugh at myself.

2/Quality godly guys are out there (particularly ones who will respect a girl's physical boundaries **see my post for awkward date #1!). Girls: We need to keep our standards high, no matter how desperate we feel!

3/I embarrassed myself, and the guy didn't run away. I could see that this guy liked me for who I was. :)

Someone else's awkward date

This girl's blog post made me smile.

The girl, Katie, was asked out by a 47-year-old guy from her church. She didn't know it was a date, and so she agreed to go for a friendly lunch with him.

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has been "tricked" into going on a date with an older man. (That post is coming.)

Awkward date #1: Physical boundaries

This post is part of a series documenting some seriously awkward dates that I've been on.

Please note that I am not writing this series to mock the guys whom I have dated. These stories are bound to be funny, but I hope you’ll look with me at how God worked through these situations to grow me and teach me about relationships. My prayer is that these nuggets of wisdom wouldn’t go to waste. :)

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I had known the guy for about 3 years. We met at a Christian summer camp, where we both worked as counsellors. We weren't close friends, and in fact we had never hung out outside of camp until one particular year.

That year marked the beginning of my university career. I found myself in a new city, in a new academic realm, with totally new friends. As I look back at the ups and downs of that season, I see that God held on to me. My faith in God grew, especially during first semester.

Despite being separated by several provinces, this guy and I began to chat more and more frequently. He was the first Christian guy I had met that was both genuine in his faith and genuinely interested in me.

When I returned to my hometown for Christmas that year, we made plans to hang out.

We decided to see a movie over the holidays. When I arrived at the theatre, I was anxious. I remember thinking, "It's weird to be talking to him in person again... This isn't the same as our interactions at camp. He looks different. How long has it been? I haven't seen him in person since last year!
It seems that we've really gotten to know each other over the past 4 months, and that's only been online. Do I really know this guy?"

Everything was going well, but I just couldn't let myself relax. At one point during the movie, he shuffled in his seat, getting more comfortable. He lifted up the armrest between us, and beckoned me over to his side of our now double-seat. He was suggesting that we cuddle.

I was confused: I liked him, but I wasn't ready to show any kind of physical affection. I was already uncomfortable, and I knew that if I "gave in", it would make things worse. But if I refused, he would surely be embarrassed.

I shook my head "no". He persisted. He asked me to move just a bit closer. At this point I'm sure he observed me awkwardly clinging to the left side of my seat, the side furthest away from him.

We sat in silence with very little interaction until the end of the film. We didn't talk about it. I didn't want to talk it. I was already suffering enough through the awkwardness. When my mom came to pick me up, I said a cold goodbye to him. There was no romantic moment, no hug, no "let's do this again".

Days later, we chatted online about what had happened. He tried to persuade me that I needed to relax and be more physically affectionate, because that's a huge part of getting to know someone.

(Unfortunately this relationship didn't move very far past that conversation. We had such different views on physical boundaries that I don't think it could have worked.)

I know that physical affection can be good, but I am firmly convinced that that area of a relationship needs careful thought and prayer. Both people need to pray about physical boundaries. And this area needs to progress VERY slowly.

Physical affection should not lead either person to sin in their heart, by causing them to lust after what they cannot have until marriage.

What I learned from this awkward date:
1/Christian guys aren’t perfect. All guys desire physical intimacy, and struggle with lust.
I now have a great respect for godly men who are daily walking with the Lord: those men who deny their desires for physical closeness until the right time. This is more than just saving sex for marriage. This is about "fleeing from sexual immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). Bottom line: Don't dabble in something that is going to cause you to sin.

2/It was better that I didn’t give in to what he wanted me to do. I wouldn't have enjoyed cuddling with him. (Although my response made the situation super awkward, it would have been worse.) By standing my ground, I was able to honour God in my heart.

3/Emotional, physical and spiritual areas of a relationship have to grow together. You can't have a physical relationship without the other two components. It just doesn't work.