Christianity paved the way for shame-free single living

I randomly stumbled upon Tim Keller's blog today.  Check out this valid, thought-provoking, and hope-giving point:

"According to theologian Stanley Hauerwas of Duke University, Christianity was the very first religion or world-view that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life. Jesus himself and St. Paul were single. "One…clear difference between Christianity and Judaism [and all other traditional religions] is the former's entertainment of the idea of singleness as the paradigm way of life for its followers." (Stanley Hauerwas, A Community of Character p.174) Nearly all religions and cultures made an absolute value of the family and of the bearing of children. There was no honor without family honor, and there was no real lasting significance or "legacy" without leaving heirs. By contrast, the early church not only did not pressure women to marry but it institutionally supported poor widows so they were not forced to remarry as they were out in the culture at large.

Why? The Christian gospel and hope of the kingdom-future de-idolized marriage. "Singleness was legitimated, not because sex was questionable, but because the mission of the church is 'between the times' [the overlap of the ages]…We must remember that the 'sacrifice' made by singles was not [just in] 'giving up sex' but in giving up heirs. There could be no more radical act than that! This was a clear expression that one's future is not guaranteed by the family but by the [kingdom of God and the] church…" ( Hauerwas, p.190)...

... The gospel frees singles from the shame of being unmarried they find in conservative cultures. Their truest identity is in Christ and their assured future hope is the kingdom of God. Even bearing children, in the Christian view, is merely nurturing more lives for the family of God. That can be done in other ways than the biological. "

Singleness in the first century was so counter-cultural.  At that time, one's life was justified by his family.  If a man had a wife and kids, that was success.  If a woman was single, she was basically worthless.  If she was not married and using her child-bearing abilities to their full potential, then what was the point of her life?

I loved reading that "the early church not only did not pressure women to marry but it institutionally supported poor widows so they were not forced to remarry as they were out in the culture at large." 

Jesus totally redefined the value in human life.  He gave an example for the early church singles to live by.  Our value is not in our spouse, our family or our kids. If we never marry or never have kids, our value is not less than anyone else's.  We are children of God, and we have a purpose that goes beyond family.  Our purpose is to be in relationship with God above all.

Foolish forgetfulness

Some days, somehow, I convince myself that God has forgotten about me.  In the back of my mind I'm asking, "Why are my friends getting into relationships, getting married and having kids, and I haven't even started on that path?"

I think that's a pretty foolish way of thinking.  How often do we convince ourselves that either God has forgotten to bring us a significant other, or else he doesn't care enough to do so? The other issue that may pop up is that we think he's not actually in control, and isn't able to bring that person into our lives.

Lately I've been reminded that God is powerful.  It seems simple and obvious, but it's a good reminder.  God is so powerful that he created the earth and heaven and everything in them. And, the creator of the entire universe is powerful enough to bring me a spouse.

Isaiah 45:18 says:

 ¹⁸ For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
   he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
   he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
   but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
“I am the LORD,
   and there is no other...

So, he has the ability, but does he care?
Scripture shows us countless examples of God's great love for his people.  I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that he loved us so much that he gave his life for us!  Jesus was tortured for us, while there was nothing in it for him (while we were still sinners); do we think he doesn't care enough about our desires?

Matthew 7:11 portrays God as a generous, loving father who wants to give his kids (us!) good gifts:
¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

He does care about what we want and need.
 
I love the following passage; it talks about God knowing us before we were born.  The whole Psalm is good, but here's a snippet.

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.


If he knows us that well, then he knows what is best for us.  He is perfect, his memory is perfect, and he doesn't forget what we need.  In fact, he knows what we need better than we do.
 
He loves us, and we need to trust that not only does he have the power to bring that special someone into our lives, but he cares.  He's waiting for us to trust him with the outcome, whether it's singleness or marriage.