Love: we talk about it, we write songs about it, we even dance.

I didn't start this blog to bash relationships or promote singleness as superior to marriage. 

In fact, I know that relationships are a good thing.  I really love love.  I enjoy the fact that God created love.  He was the one who showed love first, before any human knew what it was. I'm thankful that he loved us more than any guy will ever love me.  He loved me enough to die for me.

God created the concept of marriage.  He created love; he invented sex.  Have you ever felt your heart pounding because you're close to that special person?  God created that.  That's incredible!  Do you ever think God is boring?  Not if you remember that he created sex. That's not boring. There are a lot of other not-boring things, but I'll stay on the same topic for now.

I've seen even the most skeptical atheist admit that there's something inexplicable about love.  There exists the possibility of an incredibly intimate connection between a man and a woman that goes beyond physical attraction.  It's something that we can try to explain away with pheromones and psychology, but in my mind it's obviously spiritually rooted.

It is something that I don't understand, but that I'm glad God gave us.  I'm thankful for that gift.  I look forward to the excitement that comes with a new relationship.  I'm also thankful for all the good stuff that marriage brings and the hard work it requires.  A husband and wife can show one another the deepest kind of soul-nurturing love.  If they love Christ, their love for one another can reflect the awesomeness of God's love.

I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship.  I don't think I'm ready for it right now; there's a lot of things I want God to work on in me.  Anyway, enough rambling. I will continue these thoughts later.

For now, here's a video that you'll enjoy.  I choreographed and performed this piece several years ago.  It's about young love.

Christianity paved the way for shame-free single living

I randomly stumbled upon Tim Keller's blog today.  Check out this valid, thought-provoking, and hope-giving point:

"According to theologian Stanley Hauerwas of Duke University, Christianity was the very first religion or world-view that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life. Jesus himself and St. Paul were single. "One…clear difference between Christianity and Judaism [and all other traditional religions] is the former's entertainment of the idea of singleness as the paradigm way of life for its followers." (Stanley Hauerwas, A Community of Character p.174) Nearly all religions and cultures made an absolute value of the family and of the bearing of children. There was no honor without family honor, and there was no real lasting significance or "legacy" without leaving heirs. By contrast, the early church not only did not pressure women to marry but it institutionally supported poor widows so they were not forced to remarry as they were out in the culture at large.

Why? The Christian gospel and hope of the kingdom-future de-idolized marriage. "Singleness was legitimated, not because sex was questionable, but because the mission of the church is 'between the times' [the overlap of the ages]…We must remember that the 'sacrifice' made by singles was not [just in] 'giving up sex' but in giving up heirs. There could be no more radical act than that! This was a clear expression that one's future is not guaranteed by the family but by the [kingdom of God and the] church…" ( Hauerwas, p.190)...

... The gospel frees singles from the shame of being unmarried they find in conservative cultures. Their truest identity is in Christ and their assured future hope is the kingdom of God. Even bearing children, in the Christian view, is merely nurturing more lives for the family of God. That can be done in other ways than the biological. "

Singleness in the first century was so counter-cultural.  At that time, one's life was justified by his family.  If a man had a wife and kids, that was success.  If a woman was single, she was basically worthless.  If she was not married and using her child-bearing abilities to their full potential, then what was the point of her life?

I loved reading that "the early church not only did not pressure women to marry but it institutionally supported poor widows so they were not forced to remarry as they were out in the culture at large." 

Jesus totally redefined the value in human life.  He gave an example for the early church singles to live by.  Our value is not in our spouse, our family or our kids. If we never marry or never have kids, our value is not less than anyone else's.  We are children of God, and we have a purpose that goes beyond family.  Our purpose is to be in relationship with God above all.

Real stability

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

-chorus from the hymn "Solid Rock" written by Edward Mote (1797-1874)

As we sang this chorus in church today, my mind wandered.  I began to think about the things that I've looked to for stability: my education and the hope of a great career, my parents, my money, my relationships. 
I've been reminded recently that nothing in this life is really, truly stable.  It's all sinking sand. Money, relationships, status, possessions... all of these things, even the ones we think will last forever, could be taken from us at any time. 

I don't think it's wrong to want stability.  But, it is wrong to seek security in these material and temporary things instead of in the living God.  Not only is it wrong, it can be devastating for us if we gain a false sense of security apart from God and then suddenly lose what we thought was secure.

God is the only one who lives beyond (before and after) all of us and all that we see on the earth.  He is the only one who remains when everything in our lives falls apart.  And things will fall apart.  Our world is like that. 

Many times I've felt as if everything in my life was going wrong.  In some of those situations, I thought that money would solve my problems.  If I just had enough money then I wouldn't have to worry about paying my rent next month.  My finances would be stable and that would make me feel secure.  Other times, I thought that a guy in my life was what I needed.  If I were married then I wouldn't feel alone or feel like I have no one to depend on.  If I had a husband, even if the world around me were falling apart, I would have something constant to hold on to.

The only thing that really kept me going was the assurance that God was there.  He was there through all of the trials I've faced.  I was reminded that he cared, and I cried out to him for help.  And he answered.  There were moments, amidst chaos, that I was left with an inexplicable feeling of peace.  And every single time he brought me through the struggle with my heart intact.

Just a reminder to all you single people out there.  Don't hope for a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that will fill that craving for security and stability.   A spouse may provide a mirage of security, but a spouse doesn't last forever.  People pass away from this world unexpectedly, and more commonly, and ultimately, people disappoint. 

We will be better prepared for marriage if we set our minds on Christ first and foremost, asking him to satisfy us and be our stability, rather than hoping that our spouse will provide that sense of security. Jesus truly is the solid rock on which we can stand.