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Monday, July 18, 2011

Have you ever felt like you wanted to crawl into a hole and hide?

Most of the time when I encounter tough situations in life I want to crawl into a hole and be alone. There a major problem with this: Because I'm single and live on my own (save one roommate), I can go days without really speaking to anyone. Things could go downhill from that point, as I sink into self pity. I realized that this shows a glimpse of my self-centeredness. Did you know that dwelling in self pity is a sin? Because dwelling on it means that I'm only thinking about me and my problems, as if nothing else matters. It also means that I'm not surrendering my worries to God.

I hide because I feel uncomfortable showing a lot of emotion when I'm around others. I think if others saw me in such a vulnerable state that they would think less of me. That's my pride for you.

Although I do process things well on my own, I realize that I need people. I need others to tell me that God's got the situation under control. I need people to show me love, and say things like "It's going to be ok." I need to be reminded that although I'm feeling overwhelmed, this isn't the end of the world. I am not the only one going through hard stuff.

I took Teddy (my 6-year-old white Schnauzer-terrier mix) to the vet this morning. He has some kind of bladder, prostate or kidney problem (possibly a bladder or kidney stone). He's going to have blood tests, urine tests and x-rays.

I need to think and pray, but I realize that I also need to be around others. I'm so thankful for my roommate and my friends and their compassion.

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