Someone else's awkward date

This girl's blog post made me smile.

The girl, Katie, was asked out by a 47-year-old guy from her church. She didn't know it was a date, and so she agreed to go for a friendly lunch with him.

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has been "tricked" into going on a date with an older man. (That post is coming.)

Awkward date #1: Physical boundaries

This post is part of a series documenting some seriously awkward dates that I've been on.

Please note that I am not writing this series to mock the guys whom I have dated. These stories are bound to be funny, but I hope you’ll look with me at how God worked through these situations to grow me and teach me about relationships. My prayer is that these nuggets of wisdom wouldn’t go to waste. :)

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I had known the guy for about 3 years. We met at a Christian summer camp, where we both worked as counsellors. We weren't close friends, and in fact we had never hung out outside of camp until one particular year.

That year marked the beginning of my university career. I found myself in a new city, in a new academic realm, with totally new friends. As I look back at the ups and downs of that season, I see that God held on to me. My faith in God grew, especially during first semester.

Despite being separated by several provinces, this guy and I began to chat more and more frequently. He was the first Christian guy I had met that was both genuine in his faith and genuinely interested in me.

When I returned to my hometown for Christmas that year, we made plans to hang out.

We decided to see a movie over the holidays. When I arrived at the theatre, I was anxious. I remember thinking, "It's weird to be talking to him in person again... This isn't the same as our interactions at camp. He looks different. How long has it been? I haven't seen him in person since last year!
It seems that we've really gotten to know each other over the past 4 months, and that's only been online. Do I really know this guy?"

Everything was going well, but I just couldn't let myself relax. At one point during the movie, he shuffled in his seat, getting more comfortable. He lifted up the armrest between us, and beckoned me over to his side of our now double-seat. He was suggesting that we cuddle.

I was confused: I liked him, but I wasn't ready to show any kind of physical affection. I was already uncomfortable, and I knew that if I "gave in", it would make things worse. But if I refused, he would surely be embarrassed.

I shook my head "no". He persisted. He asked me to move just a bit closer. At this point I'm sure he observed me awkwardly clinging to the left side of my seat, the side furthest away from him.

We sat in silence with very little interaction until the end of the film. We didn't talk about it. I didn't want to talk it. I was already suffering enough through the awkwardness. When my mom came to pick me up, I said a cold goodbye to him. There was no romantic moment, no hug, no "let's do this again".

Days later, we chatted online about what had happened. He tried to persuade me that I needed to relax and be more physically affectionate, because that's a huge part of getting to know someone.

(Unfortunately this relationship didn't move very far past that conversation. We had such different views on physical boundaries that I don't think it could have worked.)

I know that physical affection can be good, but I am firmly convinced that that area of a relationship needs careful thought and prayer. Both people need to pray about physical boundaries. And this area needs to progress VERY slowly.

Physical affection should not lead either person to sin in their heart, by causing them to lust after what they cannot have until marriage.

What I learned from this awkward date:
1/Christian guys aren’t perfect. All guys desire physical intimacy, and struggle with lust.
I now have a great respect for godly men who are daily walking with the Lord: those men who deny their desires for physical closeness until the right time. This is more than just saving sex for marriage. This is about "fleeing from sexual immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). Bottom line: Don't dabble in something that is going to cause you to sin.

2/It was better that I didn’t give in to what he wanted me to do. I wouldn't have enjoyed cuddling with him. (Although my response made the situation super awkward, it would have been worse.) By standing my ground, I was able to honour God in my heart.

3/Emotional, physical and spiritual areas of a relationship have to grow together. You can't have a physical relationship without the other two components. It just doesn't work.

Things I am thankful for

Hugs.

Candy cane-flavoured coffee.

A "Rock Star" Christmas party this Friday, an opportunity to meet new people.

Quality time with my roommate.

Teddy’s happy, playful spirit.

Delicious gluten-free pasta (with the best pasta sauce of my life) at Cafe Maurizio.

God’s word.
- The reminder that God values us. (Matt 6:26) We are his incredibly valuable children, his people whom he loves.

A weekend filled with love, heart-to-heart chats, good food, joy and lots of laughter.

My church:
- a place that challenges believers not to "get over the Gospel", not to lose our sense of joy and awe in knowing that we have peace with God.
- a place where those who don’t know Jesus are invited to discover him.

(Best) Friends

It’s important to not be alone. God even said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Gen 2:18)

I’m not saying that we all need to be paired up, each girl with a guy. I’m talking about the fact that it’s not good to be alone, to be lonely, to be without people, to be without friends. God created us to be in community. He didn't intend for us to spend our lives without friends.

That explains why some of us dread being alone. There are days where I really can’t stand the feeling of being alone. In fact, I’m feeling pretty alone right now.


A friend asked me once, “Lindsay, who’s your best friend?” I didn't have an answer for her. And my heart sank. I don’t have a best friend? What's wrong with me?

It's not that I don't have friends. In fact, I am surrounded by plenty of lovely people. I am so thankful that I have these people in my life. However, I think that the friends I have aren't "close" enough.

Maybe I don't have a best friend because I've spent little bits of time with a lot of different people, and not enough time with anyone in particular.

A big part of developing deeper relationships is time. You need to get to know someone, see them in different situations. I've been trying to get to know some of the girls from church. In a few cases I've put in effort, tried to plan things and hang out with people, but they just aren't interested in making time for me.

In several cases I haven't made the time for others. I fill my evenings and weekends with good activities, things that I enjoy: church, dance class, personal time, chores/laundry/cooking/errands, taking care of Teddy. After that, it seems that very little time is left for friends. Even when I have the time, I often excuse myself, saying that I'm too tired to hang out.

Sometimes I don't know how to open up to them. I hate that my relationships are sometimes so surface level. I think I'm afraid to really let people in, for fear of them not liking me for who I really am.

You can probably gather where I'm at from this post, but I'll say it anyway. I've been feeling a bit frustrated/discouraged in the area of friendships.