Why do I write the way I do?

I know that some of you wonder why I write so often about focusing on Jesus. Why don’t I write more about the day-to-day of being a single woman? I admit, I originally intended to write about the ups-and-downs of being single, but I’ve come to realize a few things.

I realize that I can never be truly satisfied (in singleness, or in a relationship) until I am fully satisfied with Christ, alone. My heart needs to be fully surrendered to him.

I struggle with this daily, to give my heart to Jesus, and to not replace him with something or someone else. So that’s why I write the way I do: to remind myself, and hopefully encourage you, to seek God and to find your satisfaction, your joy, the love that you crave, in Him.

With that to say, I plan to write in the next few weeks on the following topics:
1. Why I have decided not to date guys who don’t love Jesus.
2. Dangerous dates.
3. One too many awkward situations.

Stay tuned…

I've been meditating on this verse lately:

Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

The writer was obviously consumed by God. He said that earth had nothing he desired... he wanted God above everything that the world had to offer. He recognized that God is beautiful and wonderful and satisfying.

I want to be able to truly say, "Yes, God, there is nothing I desire besides you. I want you, and only you. I want to live your way, even if it means sacrificing things that I want."

I believe that living God's way, although it is difficult, is well worth the struggles. It's just hard to convince my stubborn, live-in-the-present, easily-swayed-by-worldly-pleasures heart of that fact.

Teddy's back.

Thanks, friends, for your wishes and prayers.

Teddy's surgery went well. Everything is normal - his blood test was perfect and he's able to urinate without pain.

He was experiencing some general discomfort in the area of the incision, post surgery; I don’t think he slept at all the first night at home. It was rough for me, as well as him. Poor little guy - he was trying to sleep standing up. :(

Now he’s doing well. The doc prescribed him some medication for the pain, he seems more comfortable, and he slept right through the night :).

Surgery!

I dropped my dog Teddy off at the vet's this morning. He's having bladder stone removal surgery. It's a bit worrying, although they say it's a pretty routine surgery.

Here's praying that everything goes well. :) God is good, all the time.

Unloved.

There are days when I feel unloved.

I thought those days were a thing of the past, that I was now so strong in my faith in Christ that I wouldn’t have those self-focused moments anymore: "Does anyone really love me the way I want to be loved?" "Why do I feel so alone?"

I think there will always be hard days. I’ll still struggle with wanting to be loved, and forgetting to seek God for what I desire.

Those days often occur when I’ve lost sight of the incredibly satisfying love God has for us. Those days leave me desperately longing for attention. Sometimes I catch myself striving solely to please others, to gain attention, approval and love. I lose it: my contentment, my peace, my sense of who I am in God. I "lost it" recently, when a guy – an attractive, funny, charming, and considerate guy – stepped into my life.

Have you ever "lost it"? Maybe you have and you just didn’t notice. You find yourself no longer content with where you are and what you have, and you start to long for a boyfriend. Your heart feels empty and you think that he is the only one who can fix your emptiness.

Maybe you won’t believe me when I say that I’ve been there. I have, more times than I’d like to admit.

So there’s this guy. We met and he immediately began to pay extra attention to me. I told myself that he probably wasn’t good for me. He didn’t fulfill some of my major criteria for a boyfriend (i.e. he doesn't love Jesus). But he’s so funny, and sweet, and he likes me...

I knew I was in too deep when he asked for my number, and I tried to justify giving it to him. "It’ll be a nice friendship... I could go for a coffee with him; that doesn’t say serious relationship." Every day I hoped to run into him and looked forward to chatting with him.

I finally recognized that I was putting all my hope into what this guy thought of me. Oh it’s just lovely to converse with someone who appreciates me: who genuinely wants to communicate with me and spend time with me and know more about who I am and what makes me tick. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be friends with members of the opposite sex. BUT it’s not worth it if it’s stealing my heart and my attention from God.

That's what I've learned from this. I didn't give him my number, and I don't plan to go on that coffee date. I know my heart, and that just wouldn't help me one bit.

I need to be reminded...

... that God would never do anything to harm me, physically, emotionally or spiritually. And He would not intend for me to date a guy who would pull me away from the most important relationship in my life: my relationship with Him.

May I stand in the assurance that the only man for me is the one who also loves Jesus with his whole heart.