Unloved.

There are days when I feel unloved.

I thought those days were a thing of the past, that I was now so strong in my faith in Christ that I wouldn’t have those self-focused moments anymore: "Does anyone really love me the way I want to be loved?" "Why do I feel so alone?"

I think there will always be hard days. I’ll still struggle with wanting to be loved, and forgetting to seek God for what I desire.

Those days often occur when I’ve lost sight of the incredibly satisfying love God has for us. Those days leave me desperately longing for attention. Sometimes I catch myself striving solely to please others, to gain attention, approval and love. I lose it: my contentment, my peace, my sense of who I am in God. I "lost it" recently, when a guy – an attractive, funny, charming, and considerate guy – stepped into my life.

Have you ever "lost it"? Maybe you have and you just didn’t notice. You find yourself no longer content with where you are and what you have, and you start to long for a boyfriend. Your heart feels empty and you think that he is the only one who can fix your emptiness.

Maybe you won’t believe me when I say that I’ve been there. I have, more times than I’d like to admit.

So there’s this guy. We met and he immediately began to pay extra attention to me. I told myself that he probably wasn’t good for me. He didn’t fulfill some of my major criteria for a boyfriend (i.e. he doesn't love Jesus). But he’s so funny, and sweet, and he likes me...

I knew I was in too deep when he asked for my number, and I tried to justify giving it to him. "It’ll be a nice friendship... I could go for a coffee with him; that doesn’t say serious relationship." Every day I hoped to run into him and looked forward to chatting with him.

I finally recognized that I was putting all my hope into what this guy thought of me. Oh it’s just lovely to converse with someone who appreciates me: who genuinely wants to communicate with me and spend time with me and know more about who I am and what makes me tick. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be friends with members of the opposite sex. BUT it’s not worth it if it’s stealing my heart and my attention from God.

That's what I've learned from this. I didn't give him my number, and I don't plan to go on that coffee date. I know my heart, and that just wouldn't help me one bit.